With all of the glut of discussion on the topic of marital breakups, it sometimes seems as though almost all of the attention is focused on the impact on the women. Rarely is there any serious look at the negative impact that divorces can have on the men involved in such separations. The fact is that there are probably a number of very good explanations for why there has been very little attention paid to the male perspective on divorce.
For one thing, men rarely discuss their emotional state in the wake of a separation. The need to internalize sadness is something that has been learned and impressed upon them by societal standards. Men don't cry. Men don't whine. We've all heard those cliches. The sad thing is that this lack of emotional expression has contributed to a general belief that divorces are fairly easy for the husbands, when nothing could be farther from the truth.
Simply put, men often feel like complete failures after a divorce. And for the average male, that kind of failure can destroy his self-image. After all, most men feel as though who they are is defined by their success or failure in various aspects of life. When their marriages break down, they are suddenly confronted with the worst failure of them all: the failure to make a that union work.
Loss of identity is another common problem experienced by divorced men. Their previous identity as a husband within a happy marriage was often the most important piece of their overall identity. When that's gone, even enriching careers are not enough to salve the loss. As a result, divorced men face deep challenges in their struggle to rediscover who they are without that former role.
This feeling of being without a clear identity can be exasperated even more when there are children involved. Since many divorces end with the mother as primary custodian, the man's relationship with his children can be negatively impacted. This can lead to both grief and anger for those fathers, since their paternal needs are often left unmet.
Where grief is concerned, men often keep it inside. Unlike women, who usually have better skills at sharing feelings with their closest friends and family members, most men have been raised to believe that they'll seem weak if they let those emotions out. This causes them to hold feelings in, or use alcohol or dangerous behaviors to suppress those feelings they lack the capacity to properly manage.
Depression can often follow. As that settles in, men withdraw from friends and family, sinking farther into their own minds. That can lead to stress, high blood pressure, and other physical difficulties. Without the emotional outlet many women enjoy, men tend to suffer alone and in silence.
The sad fact is that men are affected by divorces to a far greater extent than was previously believed. For most divorced men, the effort to regain self-respect and restore happiness and stability will never be successful until society finally understands that it is not just wives who suffer negative consequences when marriages fail.
For one thing, men rarely discuss their emotional state in the wake of a separation. The need to internalize sadness is something that has been learned and impressed upon them by societal standards. Men don't cry. Men don't whine. We've all heard those cliches. The sad thing is that this lack of emotional expression has contributed to a general belief that divorces are fairly easy for the husbands, when nothing could be farther from the truth.
Simply put, men often feel like complete failures after a divorce. And for the average male, that kind of failure can destroy his self-image. After all, most men feel as though who they are is defined by their success or failure in various aspects of life. When their marriages break down, they are suddenly confronted with the worst failure of them all: the failure to make a that union work.
Loss of identity is another common problem experienced by divorced men. Their previous identity as a husband within a happy marriage was often the most important piece of their overall identity. When that's gone, even enriching careers are not enough to salve the loss. As a result, divorced men face deep challenges in their struggle to rediscover who they are without that former role.
This feeling of being without a clear identity can be exasperated even more when there are children involved. Since many divorces end with the mother as primary custodian, the man's relationship with his children can be negatively impacted. This can lead to both grief and anger for those fathers, since their paternal needs are often left unmet.
Where grief is concerned, men often keep it inside. Unlike women, who usually have better skills at sharing feelings with their closest friends and family members, most men have been raised to believe that they'll seem weak if they let those emotions out. This causes them to hold feelings in, or use alcohol or dangerous behaviors to suppress those feelings they lack the capacity to properly manage.
Depression can often follow. As that settles in, men withdraw from friends and family, sinking farther into their own minds. That can lead to stress, high blood pressure, and other physical difficulties. Without the emotional outlet many women enjoy, men tend to suffer alone and in silence.
The sad fact is that men are affected by divorces to a far greater extent than was previously believed. For most divorced men, the effort to regain self-respect and restore happiness and stability will never be successful until society finally understands that it is not just wives who suffer negative consequences when marriages fail.
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